Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
