Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
