I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
