Someone shit on the floor
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
