I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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