i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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