I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
