I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
