My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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