my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Actions speak louder than pants.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
