I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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