I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Actions speak louder than pants.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
