Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
