mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
