I hope my margaritas pass through security.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
