What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
