It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
