babies were throwing up all over the place
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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