She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
