Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
