Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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