He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
