he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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