false alarm. still invincible.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
