i may or may not be watching the land before time
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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