apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
