wanna go halves on a baby?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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