um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
