Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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