Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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