she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
