do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
