I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
