I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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