super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
