i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
