Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
