Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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