where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
