goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
