Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
