my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
