absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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