Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
birth control should be required to get into college
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
