white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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