drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
