I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
