kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
