Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
