barbara walters just said penis...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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