I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
